By Melissa Rainwater
Mark has a girlfriend!
A real live woman who likes him a ton and wants to see him several times a week. We have been looking for this for years. I am so excited!
I posted in the Pacific Northwest Polyamory Facebook group a while back about how lame it was that my husband is so great and he couldn’t seem to find a girlfriend. I mentioned that he wasn’t looking for casual sex and somehow that’s all he seemed to find. (Poor guy, I know haha)
I got several responses, including a woman named Sybil* who lives 15 minutes from us and wasn’t looking for anything specific, but she said Mark seemed like a person she would like to get to know. They chatted online for several days, maybe a couple weeks? I don’t remember. Eventually it was time to meet for coffee. Well, coffee went so well it turned into a walk, dinner, and then a movie and cuddles at her house. They’ve been super happy together ever since.
Some of you may be thinking “oh my gods, how can she be okay with this?”
Of course the first thing you have to remember is that ethical non-monogamy is just that— ethical. I knew that’s what Mark was looking for, I helped him find it, I have other relationships too. And, I have compersion coming out of my ears!
Compersion is defined as the feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy.
Sybil comes to our house a couple times a week for dinner, or game night, or just to see Mark and hang out. She is the sweetest.
The night I met her, a few weeks in, we went for Thai food and talked for like four hours. We have a ton in common, and I can totally see why Mark likes her so much. Seeing the two of them snuggle close to one another during a game of Dungeons and Dragons or walking in on them making out like teenagers on the couch when they thought I was in bed is adorable. It warms my heart to see that someone else can appreciate Mark for who he is, and that he is getting all the affection he wants and deserves.
Sybil’s birthday is coming up, and she has invited Mark, me, Richard (my boyfriend) and Robin (the 6 year old from my last article) to enjoy a weekend of the Lavender Festival and hot springs with her. She brushes our fat cat who can’t groom herself. She hugs me every time I see her. She went to Pride with us and supports our trans kid. She cooks, she sews, she shares dirty memes and pictures of her cute cats. Sybil is a delightful human to know, and I am so incredibly grateful that she found Mark.
We’ve had a few misunderstandings and scheduling snafus, but overall I give this situation a 9/10. I just need to remind myself that just like when I met Richard, she is new and exciting, and just because he can have more fun with her because they don’t share responsibilities doesn’t mean that he loves me any less or that he would be better off without me. Mark is fully capable of caring for and spending time with multiple people. I know this because he has multiple friends, family members, children, etc. Love doesn’t have to be divided, it multiplies. I am really looking forward to watching their relationship unfold and grow over time.
*The name Sybil is the only fake thing about this amazing, down-to-earth chick.