by Karelys Beltran
Photos by Thayne Jongeward
Thayne: I met Sol for drinks to introduce the magazine and the sort of ideas we cover in our interviews. I had a fairly good idea of how it would go, but I didn't think we would spend two and a half hours chatting! I knew Karelys needed to sit down with her ASAP.
Karelys: I had the joy of meeting and spending time getting to know Sol Trevino at her favorite lunch spot, Ballesteri's. They know her by name and some patrons see her and squeal, closing in for a hug. She always receives them with a smile and hugs effusively.
I wanted to know how it is that she jumped ship and left the 9-5 to create something from scratch. She’s the mastermind and labor behind SheBully and is responsible for bringing you some pretty impressive performances to your very own SmallTown, USA.
On getting big acts to come to Yakima
I think really you get some of the bigger acts that come through the market. And it’s good stuff. You get Journey and George Lopez. But I wanted to do something that was about the fan experience. It’s not just going to be watching a show. There is going to be VIP tickets for a pre-party. It’s about getting the fans involved.
I remember growing up being a huge fan of New Kids on the Block. And doing anything that needed to be done to go to one of their concerts.
I am going to the show on June 7th!
(The waitress approaches us) “Are you ready to order?”
Yes I will have your best salad. What is your best salad?
Sol: oriental chicken salad is the best here! I will have my usual.
Do you eat here regularly?
So, You’re a New Kids on the Block fan.
Yes! I spent a lot of money to get the meet and greet packet. Because who wouldn’t love to meet their childhood idols!?
I wanted to take that and apply it to the 80’s show I am bringing to town. I’ve been thinking of doing this for over a year.
When I started to do this, when I would think of one ultimate big show, that would be Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. And I just so happen that I met an agent that handles both of them. He became my friend, and it was a lot easier to have access.
That’s how I got started doing the 80’s show. But I want to do a fan experience. It’s important. And I think that if you give Yakima a chance for support Yakima will support..
Oh yeah! Yakima is a very family oriented place but these are all people who want to have fun. Sometimes running off to Seattle or Portland for a fun show is not an option because of logistics. But these parents who are raising little people want to attend these shows. They are people who know how to have fun.
The one we have we set up has only 28 VIP passes. You get the meet and greet. And you get access to the VIP room.
There are only 28 of those to make it a more intimate experience.
On having the guts to swan dive into business (or It is scary but we do it anyway)
What I’m interested in, is having the courage to jump in and start this business. A myth we always believe of entrepreneurs is that they are not as risk averse as the rest of normal people. But they are! Entrepreneurs are highly risk averse people who learned to gather intel and make the best decisions possible as fast as possible, with the resources they have in their hands.
A lot of what I keep hearing is “we are scared. It’s scary. But you do it anyway.”
Sol: yes! I have a degree in music business and I wanted to get into record label stuff. But it was a dog-eat-dog world. At that point I just stayed in radio. And I did that for 16 years. I climbed the ranks to sales. One of my clients happened to be Legends Casino. They created a position that was called Advertising Specialist; it was handling media and advertising for the casino. That was my account. Applied for it and got the job. Did that for 5 years. Then I got the opportunity to move to the coast by Westport as marketing manager for a small casino.
And so I left everything.
It’s a 4.5 hr drive from here. I left everything, I left my family, I left my friends. It’s a beach community but it’s in the middle of nowhere. Starbucks is a 40 mile drive away. And the closest town is Aberdeen. So I wanted to do it ANYWAY. Even though it was one of the worst times of my life, that year, because I was really lonely, it was very hard to do.
I was finally at a point where I wanted to quit that casino job.
I had no job lined up for the first time in ever. I’ve always worked. I’ve always worked in my adult life. So I was trying to figure out what am I going to do next? What am I going to do next?
My boyfriend was just like “Look, just quit. We will figure it out.”
He and I were already working on a show. It was my first show in the area I was at. So I was like “Ok well...I am going to do that show and whatever.”
And it so happened, literally the day before the show, my old boss called me up, and he said hey can I hire you to do all my media buying? We’ll contract you out. And I was like “Oh my god yes!”
I’ve been doing that in the last year. I love doing that. It still keeps me in the casino world. But it still gives me the ability to do all these shows.
Working with Investors' Money
I’ve got investors money and I have to be very careful with other people’s money. You have to make sure you’re making right decisions. Not based on “I may like that artist, on a fan level, but you can’t just book them because you like them. You have to make sure that the people are going to respond and support the same vision you have as a fan. So it’s nerve wracking. I’ve never been more busy in my life.
Everyone I know says “Oh it must be nice to sleep in everyday.”
I don’t sleep in. I am up by 7 o’clock doing work like everyone else.
I might be in my pajamas working on my computer, but I am up.
It’s a lot of responsibility. At the same time, I might not work all Wednesday, but on Thursday I am up until 1 am. You know, it’s a lot riding on yourself and it’s scary because everyday it’s different. I came from a place where I had no plan. I knew I wanted to do concerts, but I didn’t know exactly what I was going to do.
Something I see repeatedly, with people that have an idea, it’s almost like the idea gets a hold of them. It’s a numinous entity. The moment they decide I AM GOING TO DO IT! Even though they don’t see the full extend of the road ahead, they take the plunge and the road starts to appear. What is your experience with that?
Sol: It was...especially because I was nervous about not having a job lined up at all. And all of a sudden I have a job before my first concert. That was an opportunity that was going to be my bread and butter. That was my way to survive and do what I love. When that happened…I mean...it was confirmation.
I fight tooth and nail to take care of that client the best that I can. I give it a 1000% because I want them to be satisfied with the job that I am doing, but also that’s my livelihood. And because of that ONE opportunity it’s allowed me to live in the way that I am doing now. So you don’t take that for granted. Ever.
But other things start developing into little things.
I’ve been around the entertainment scene a lot for the casinos in the marketing department. I always felt like just here...and in general….there’s just a big chunk that’s missing the target. You’re missing people like my age!
So, what are we gonna do to make them hungry for something different? It’s a little bit like hit and miss. Maybe this show won’t sell as many tickets but this other one is going to do great. Or this one is going to be amazing. It’s a learning curve. I don’t have a formula down. I won’t sit here and tell you that. But it’s been great, and I’ve met a lot of cool people that have given me the ability to think outside the box. And you can never just do it by yourself. It takes a team.
She gets to know her clients, her community, at an intimate level. And doing your work in entertainment, well...sometimes it means you get political.
Something I am hearing here is you know your clients. To me that is such an intimate relationship. You take care of them they take care of you. How do you get to know the people you are putting shown on for?
Sol: It’s brand new. For example, the ladies for the comedy show. The only reason why I know people like that is because of doing work at the casinos at the reservations and the experience I’ve had working with tribal casinos. Because you’re around that culture, I’ve learnt to appreciate it anyway. If I think they are funny they’ll think so too. It’s like Latinos, I grew up loving Selena so I get it.
I look for something fun for them to do.
And not that I am alienating any other cultures. But I am doing something for their culture. I think it’s something they should be proud of. Success comes from that culture as well. In that instance, that’s what I did for the comedy show.
In April, I went to this meeting that the Anti-Racism and Peace Coalition called. White people’s discomfort with inequality drives them to the quick solution “everybody is the SAME! Let’s make everybody the same!”
The problem with that is that it erases the goodness of the differences. A Native American woman attending the conversation said “NO! NO!” and everybody got very quiet. She said “We worked so hard to maintain and preserve our culture. We don’t want to be all the same. We want to celebrate our differences.”
I feel like this is such an opportune time to bring out a show that is Native American cast. Because it’s a bubble of tension building up and it’s going to burst soon. People are saying, we want peace, we are anti-racism, but we want to celebrate the differences, and I feel like Yakima is so ready for new things and rich multifaceted culture.
Sol: Absolutely! Especially growing up in the area….I mean, Yakima is getting a bad rap with all the violent things happening...you know so that’s a bummer.
I am having to fix that.
But at the same time you can’t let that stop you and grow. You can’t let that stop you. It could be that only one experience can change a person’s experience and it changes their outlook. And I am not saying that these shows are going to do that. But you just want a fun place where everybody can feel welcome. You know, and, that they can celebrate the differences that everybody has.
I think Fun is a really good way to bring about change. People who are laughing and lighthearted are more prone to be open to new suggestions and ways of thinking. Closing the breach of differences between you and I. Fun is a really good way to bring about change. We have made it way too serious. Too emotional. Because these are hard and emotional problems indeed. But maybe it is time to give fun a seat at the table!
Sol: And that’s why I think…doing an all Native American show is a little scary, but I think all the shows I do are going to be different. I'm reaching a completely different audience. I want to go broad. And though you may have a niche market...it’s about opening it up to everyone.
The 80’s show is going to be primarily female in their 40’s and 50’s. You are trying to bring back their childhood. Like when they were teenagers. I just want to pull on everyone’s heart string. Not just one type of person.
We dig into the mental conditioning required of entrepreneurs to stay on track despite setbacks.
What are the most important skills you had to grow within yourself to overcome setbacks. Your personal life, your identity, and your business are very blended right now. How do you get up at 7 AM day after day, even though something you were very hopeful for fell short of your expectations. That can be so deflating. How do you keep going after that?
Just by looking at you I can tell you have a strong personality. So when did that start? Was it a process or were you born that way? Some girls are born this way. Some of us have to develop it.
Sol: I don’t remember….all I remember is that I have always been very shy.
Sol: Yes. I don’t like the attention on me. I’d rather be behind the scenes. In my website the about section is still blank. I can’t write about myself. I’ve always been the behind the scenes person. The first show I did last year was for Sir Mix-A-Lot, in Aberdeen, WA. It’s way smaller than Yakima. And we had done really well. Lots of tickets sold. But I’ll never forget. When I went to open the door to go get something from my car, and there was a line around the block waiting to get in, I just remembered thinking “Who cares if they know it was me who put this together! I don’t care if they know it’s me.” I think of all the hard work that goes into putting on a show, and I just want people to have a good time.
It all started with just an idea. And it grew from there. It all starts somewhere. I did radio sales. So you get told NO a lot...you have to grow a thick skin. You don’t take it personally; like they don’t like you.
How do you do that?
That’s what I am interested in how do you do that?
Sol: It took me a lot. I am not going to lie, there are times that even now if someone told me no, I don’t like it. I don’t like to be told no. But I think nobody likes to be told no. You just have to, in your mind, have a pity party for five minutes and be pissed off that you didn’t get it. But you have to get over it.
You cannot fall victim to “why did this happen to me?”
You have to move on.
And you know when I was in that other place, my boyfriend noticed that I was changing.
I could go away for the weekend and have an amazing time, and the moment I was driving back my mood completely changed, my personality completely changed, I was angry, I was mad.
Because there were a lot of bad things that happened to me there.
So I thought “Why am I letting these people make me feel like I am not doing a good enough job?” When I knew I was working my butt off.
"Why am I letting people make me feel less than just because I am an outsider?"
That bothered me, because I am a people pleaser. I like to make people happy, that’s just my nature. But in the real world not everyone is going to like you. And that’s just normal.
What I learned though is that if I hadn’t gone through that I would not be exactly where I am at. I had to go through that. And it’s tough. There are days that are hard. Like last week I had a breakdown just because of one person right before Thayne came over to take pictures. I have so many responsibilities but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It’s just a matter of me refocusing. Figuring out how I am going to do it.
So I will give myself a pity party. A morning. A day. And then, “what’s next?”
Give yourself a task.
I will give myself the next task. Top three important thing that you need to accomplish by the next day and then move on. You look at the remaining work. And keep going.
You can’t let yourself sink into that. You just have to move on. I am just human. I need a pity party too. But you can’t let yourself go under. Because then all those tasks pile up and who is going to do them for you?
When ultra sensitivity becomes your superpower
We see successful people as immune to what plagues most of us that make it difficult to pursue dreams and goals. It’s hard to think that a successful person in a business like yours is a sensitive person.
Sol: And I am.
Sol: I am. Almost to a fault. I have always been like that. And I think that’s why it works for me in this business.
What do you mean? Talk to me about that.
Sol: Because I can relate to someone very easily. For instance, when on the phone with someone to do sales for a casino, I am very cognizant of what they go through. I am very picky about how things have to be done. But if I have to cancel the schedule or I have to change something that causes more work for them, I feel really guilty about that. If I have to say to someone no, I feel guilty.
The thing is that if you're a hardass you’re never going to develop good relationships in business.
Some people are very straight to business and I have to adjust to them.
Bur for the most part I like to talk to people, get to know them, I like to have that relationship.
Even though I wish I had a thicker skin at times, I am not going to lie, I am still growing, but the sensitivity allows me to really connect with people.
And when people doubt me it motivates me. I just work harder.
You know what? I remember Googling things like “How to be a sensitive person and thrive in life.” Cheesy I know, but I had no guidance growing up to understand and handle my sensitivity. When someone suggested my sensitivity was a super power, I was aghast. I spent all of my life trying to be anything other than myself. And then I realized “it’s never going to go away.” So I threw myself at figuring out how to make this curse be my edge. And it opened up my world.
Sol: I think the sensitivity and empathy that I feel, even though it burns sometimes, I'd rather be cognizant of people than not be. You train really hard to not absorb the bad energy, you train yourself. You just know your feelings will get hurt but you make it work for you.
Do you notice that being a woman makes it a different experience in your field?
Sol: It’s a very male dominated industry. Hence SheBully.
To be honest, everyone that I am working with doing these shows, the creative station, the graphic designer, everyone, they are all women.
I work with nothing but women.
And not that I am against men. But it’s amazing when you get women together and everyone bounces ideas off each other. I love women, and I love the fact that you can take an industry that is very male dominated, and there are women that are right on the tails making things happen.
I think, women have that special touch that they add to something. I am very detail oriented. Maybe it won’t matter to anyone but if I give you a gift bag I want it to be personalized, I want it to have your name on it, I want it to have little details that wow you. Maybe a guy wouldn’t notice. Maybe they would. But I love working with women. I love it. Not that I am opposed to men, and that I wouldn't work with men. But in this particular industry I’ve only met one other woman who does shows; in Phoenix.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some that tried to intimidate me. You get those that try to bully you. I know exactly what they are doing. Trying to intimidate me. And you are just like NOPE. I am just not going to get sucked into that game of “Oh, she’s just being emotional because she’s a girl.”
So you just let someone do what they are going to do and you just step over and move on.
You get your challenges here and there. Some people don’t take you as seriously because you’re a woman. But, you know, I am not going to sit here and tell you “I have a shitload of experience promoting shows,” I don’t. But because of that I don’t have barriers in mind. I can think of something that someone that has been in it for 20 years won’t think of.
I want to go back to the part where you were talking about details. Women have been conditioned to have a cooperative attitude whereas men have been groomed to have a “my way or the highway” attitude. And we have been conditioned to be the ones in charge of seduction.
People are hungry to be seduced into something.
But in order to get good at seducing people, you cannot have a life that is so packed and mind that is so busy, where all the attention is focused on how you are going to solve your problems.
Seduction is such a big deal because it requires that someone will pay attention and learn you so well that they are going to create a space and environment you can’t resist because it resonates with you. And it was done on purpose just for you.
How do you manage to work on your contract with your big client, you have to be pushing forward regardless of what comes up, and make enough room in your life to think of your clients and how you will be delighting them?
Sol: I am trying to figure out the correct balance for me. I am realizing I am a workaholic. I am always thinking about what I am going to do for work. It got to the point that I am saying “I cannot book any more shows this year.”
I have three big ones and three little ones. And I have other obligations. I cannot physically do any more. But at the same time for me I think about me being a fan. I think about what I would pay for. Because I am a music buff and being backstage is valuable to me. I just spent $600 for meet and greet New Kids on the Block. That is a lot of money. But it is because it satisfies something that I loved as a kid. And there are people who enjoy that kind of stuff and there are some that don’t. There are the people who will pay just for the show. They don’t care about the fan experience. But I do.
So if I have the VIP room, i want an 80’s candy bar. Whatever it is from the 80’s.
I think it would be cool if I had some cupcakes with neon colors. Decorations. Whatever would make me feel excited.
I think “If I were them, if I was paying $167 to have the meet and greet experience I expect a lot.”
I would expect a lot.
If I am going to ask someone to spend their hard earned money in a greet and meet ticket I am going to make it worth their while. Even if I have to lose money in the process getting extra details, I will do it.
Your ultimate goal is to earn their trust and for people to think “If she’s doing a show I just know it will be a good show.” Maybe it’s a musician that they don’t know much of, but they are so conditioned to how I do shows, that they will want to come. It’s a new thing that I am trying. For fans to develop loyalty to me as a promoter. I think I would earn loyalty.
If I'm listening to a song in the radio it takes me back to the time in my life when I fell in love with it, I want to translate that into an experience for people who come to my shows. I never got to see Tiffany and Debbie Gibson live because I was a little bit younger, but my mom bought me the Tiffany cassette, and Debbie Gibson perfume. I can still remember smelling it and the way it looked.
This is where sensitivity comes in.
I want people to have a good time. If it was only about tickets then I wouldn’t care about the experience. I want people to reconnect over shared memories. I want it to be like, “I am a mom and I am tired but for those three hours I was a teenager again.”
You can enjoy, and alienate everything, be in the moment. You are going to be sixteen again, you are going to look like you’re sixteen, and no one is there to judge you because they are all in the same boat. They are all sixteen again.
(She laughs loudly.)
I think that’s important. And maybe not all shows are going to be this way, but I’ve been thinking about this show for over a year. I decided I wanted to do an 80s show, and I thought “Oh my god I want Debbie Gibson and Tiffany to do it together, because they were perceived to be rivals since they came up at the same time." And then you bring Downtown Julie Brown just to make it more 80’s.
I want everyone to have a good time. I want them to think “Whoa, that was one of the best days of my life.”
Why she chose Yakima as her home base
You are beautiful and business savvy, have a killer work ethic, and yet, you remain in Yakima (which some people refer to it as the armpit of Washington.) You could go anywhere. Why do you stay here?
Sol: My mom and dad are here. My brother and niece are here. I go see my mom and dad every single day. I go check on them everyday. That’s super important to me. I am very family oriented. And it doesn’t matter what I am doing that day, I could have a million emails and meetings, but I will break away for an hour or two to go see them. I have to. I think it kind of fills me. Even when I go to their house and bring my computer to work. But I am with them.
I have to be honest. I used to have the same mentality. “Ugh Yakima is so boring. Yakima has nothing.” I used to think that way. And when I moved away, and I was at the coast, and literally there was nothing compared to what Yakima is, I really started to appreciate what Yakima has to offer. And when the opportunity came to leave my old job, I could have moved close to my boyfriend. But I need to be around my family. And I think Yakima deserves some good entertainment.
We have some really good people here.
Sol: We do! Yakima will support. I think a lot of promoters get nervous because Yakima is a very “walk-in town”, very last minute. They’ll buy tickets the day before, the day of, and that’s very scary because you’re investing $9000 and you know you have to sell X amount of tickets to break even, but you’ve only sold 20 tickets. That’s scary. But you have to have faith. You can’t just say I will cancel the show. What kind of reputation are you going to work up?
So maybe I have 100 people in a small show. But those 100 people? I’ll make sure they have a damn good time regardless, you know?
It’s just a matter of finding the niche. Finding what pulls at their heartstrings. Because that’s the key; find what people want. I announced the show yesterday, and people say “Oh it’s going to be a great show!”
And I think “Are you sure?" Cause this show is kind of like my baby! And you know, I don’t want to be like the mom that has the ugly baby but she thinks the baby is beautiful. You know?
(We both laugh uproariously.)
So I’ve been watching the response on Facebook. And it’s huge. All these different responses. It resonates.
For me it comes down to the fan experience.
It’s scary. Even if you take the money aspect out of it. I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.
And the tickets? I worry and try to make sure that they are not too high, but I know what Ii have to make to break even and recover the investment.
So you can’t think that Yakima can’t afford it. They will support what they think is of value to them.
So it’s hard, I don’t want them to think they are too expensive, and I don’t want to disappoint nobody, I want everyone to have a good time.
That’s part of the reason why I hide behind SheBully. (Laughs)
But it IS ME. And it is a lot of work.
I don’t need the accolades for it. I just want people to have a good time.
Business is extremely personal
Why SheBully? Getting to know you now I know that you’re definitely a softie. But there is a sliver of your personality that is definitely….a bull.
Sol: I think the bull part of it comes from media buying for casinos. People will always try to take advantage of casinos because they assume they have unlimited budget. And I would take it very personally. “Why do you try to screw my company? I know what your real rate is. Don’t ask me for $10,000.00 when you know that’s a $2000 proposal.”
People would get mad at me. “Oh she’s a bitch.”
But no, I am very easy to work with. I am very simple. But I want it a certain way, and I want it to be fair. So don’t overcharge me for stuff because I used to sell. So I already know. I learned the game.
I developed a reputation that I am very easy to work with. But if I suspect that you’re dicking us around, I am going to know it. And I won’t work with you.
So business for you is personal.
Sol: It is very personal. I don’t care what people say “oh take the personal out of the business.” That logo has my face. How much more personal can it get?
It is very personal, but at the same time I am super nice.
I chose SheBully mostly, because like I said, the industry is super male dominated. The good ol’ boy club. Things are done a certain way. I know people are not going to take me seriously. They don’t already. They don’t think I am a threat because I am nice. And that’s okay. I don’t need to school anyone. Because actions speak louder than what I am going to say.
Why try to change someone’s opinion of you, you just show them?
Growing up a strong woman
How did you handle the expectations of growing up in a Hispanic household, straddling both cultures, staying true to who you are (a softer personality) and at the same time having to bring out the bull because business is personal, and not burning out. How do you take care of yourself.
Sol: It’s hard. I am bad at that. I am not going to lie.
For me my family is my everything. I grew up with some amazing liberal parents. My dad worked with Cesar Chavez and my uncle started the farm worker movement here. So I grew up with pretty liberal parents. I grew up thinking that everyone was equal. No one is better than another.
So I didn’t have the typical expectations growing up.
My mom was a PA.
They both went to the University of Washington, and here I am, the oldest, and I want to get a degree in music. It’s nice when I left home that my parents said to me “regardless of what happens, you always have home.”
So no matter what happens, I can always come home.
I think knowing that you can always go home is like a cushion. Maybe not financially, but moral support. For me it’s family first. I look and make sure that my parents are okay. I need to make sure that they have everything they need. I can’t get myself a pair of shoes knowing my parents don’t have what they need. It doesn't work like that.
It doesn’t matter what's going on in my life I take care of them. I keep that in mind for my goals.
I have a boyfriend. And he’s super busy as well. He’s super supportive. I could not be doing what I am doing without him. He probably believes in me more than I believe in me. (Laughs)
It’s hard when you’re doing something new, not having a 9-5 is super weird. I gotta buy my own insurance? People rely on me. It’s hard and it’s different but I like it.
My boyfriend is the one that will tell me, this weekend don’t work. Go get a massage. Go with your momma. And I can do that for a day or two. But then I gotta work. At least a little.
Staying in business by staying in the present
So you were talking not thinking much about the future. Just doing what’s in front of you.
Sol: Yes. Don’t get me wrong, I think about the future. Am I going to be doing this a year from now?
But if you think too far down the line you scare yourself. You can’t think like that. You just have to do it in the moment. Just gotta deal with setbacks as they come. Oh this one happened? Okay, you just take care of that hurdle and move on. Sometimes it’s unfair that two or three at the same time happen. But you just move past it.
It helps to talk to people that understand, like-minded people. Because sometimes they’ll give you perspective on something you are too emotionally attached to see.
How do you overcome impostor syndrome?
Sol: I think i always look at it like this “That’s the devil talking to me.” (laughs)
When I get stuck thinking “Oh people are not going to buy tickets, and no one is going to show up to my show…”
I think that is the devil speaking to me trying to change my mind to create negativity. You have to think God hasn’t brought me this far for nothing. You have to have faith. It’s hard because you will have that. You will surely have that..
I mean, to me, if you don’t have any kind of self-doubt then you’re not going to get better. Because you think I know better than everyone else and things always have to be done this way.
I am human, and I have my moments of self-doubt. But I believe that if you’re that passionate about something, it comes from somewhere. If you wake up everyday and think about it everyday, then you make a goal and start achieving.
If you had asked me two years ago if i would be working for myself I’d say probably not. I was just so used to being corporate. I thought I am going to be doing marketing for casinos, and i am going to move to Vegas, and i am going to do this and do that. And it just never worked. It was never “I want to work for myself and be responsible for all of this.”
Yeah! Who wants to pay for their own insurance!?
Sol: Yeah! (Laughs.)
For real. Who wants to pay $300 a month!? That can go to shoes.
But you know, people who knew me from before see me and say you look happy. Even if I am having a stressful day because I got a lot going on. But I am like” you know what? You’re right. I am stressed out, but i wouldn’t change it for anything else.” You’re only prohibited by your own thoughts.
And you’re worth it! You have to try.
Believing you’re worth betting on yourself in romance and in business
Yesterday a friend was telling me “I feel like there’s something broken because I really really like him. But I really like to have my own space.” And so we were fleshing out that idea. We were raised with the expectation that we have to play house. And now that we’ve come into our own, we have really good company (romantic and platonic), but I, too, really like my space.
You mentioned you have a boyfriend who lives far from here. I used to not understand long distance relationships. I used to not understand relationships where both people can have big dreams and cohabitate without one serving as the sole support system for the other. Now I am experiencing what I used to not understand, and it is the best!
Sol: It’s weird. I’ve been engaged before. And I’ve felt like no one understood how I function. He’ll be the one to tell me “You need to take a break. You need to go get a massage.” He is very like-minded. He has his own stuff going on. He thinks “The core of who you are...I don’t want to change. If you like being around your family, being around your friends, that’s who you are.”
He’s not much of a social butterfly. I don’t want to change him. I meet him where he’s at.
He’s sent me to Vegas with my girlfriends before, girls trips, just because. Because I deserve to have fun. Not many guys would willingly send their girlfriends to Vegas.
It’s about trust.
Sol: Yeah. I’ve had horrible guys before him. I’ve been cheated on. And you have to….you have to have that trust. I think “he’s going to do what he’s going to do.”
And you can’t worry about the rest.
He lives in Seattle. It’s not that far away. But you have to have faith. And as much as I miss him every single day and I wish I could hug him every single day, for right now that's just not how it is. But we’ve been going at it for three years.
I do like the fact that when do stuff together, we travel a lot together. He doesn’t suffocate me, I don’t suffocate him. He lets me do my thing. So it works out.
You can’t let society dictate what is normal and what isn’t.
For many people this might be abnormal but for us, it’s our normal. And it works for us.
If you are not thinking that the sun is shining out of my ass, bye!
Sol: THANK YOU!
You cannot let someone treat you any less than you want to be treated. I’ve lived that for too long.
I just don’t want to spend time trying to convince someone that I am worth the effort. If you just don’t see it, adios.
Sol: Absolutely. You have to believe in who you are as a person. And I know not every situation is cut and dry. There’s always a reason for x,y, and z. But you just have to know that that situation doesn’t work for you or whatever it is, just move on.
But yeah. You need to have a man worship you.
And you offer the same back.
(Fighting over the check.)
Sol: I’m gonna get it! I'm gonna get it!
No! You’re self employed. You have to pay for your own insurance!...
Okay. Only if you are rolling deep.
Karelys Beltran is a Sinaloa native and Denizen co-founder who is passionate about self-education, personal development, and bringing people together.